i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize