Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
