the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize