I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize