I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dear god my vagina.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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