You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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