is your mom at the bar?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
