Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
