two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
