There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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