nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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