also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
