So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
