no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
