she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
