now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
