and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
