Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
