The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
