i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
