How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
