drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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