it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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