I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
did i just pee glitter
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
