guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm really busy with my period
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