I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
