I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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