We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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