Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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