did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
