if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
