Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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