Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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