beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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