Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
where are my eyebrows?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize