i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
