Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
