That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
