If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
