I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
