You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this boner is exhausting
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
