how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
