they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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