he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
