i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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