READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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