I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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