Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
