Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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