Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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