i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
