New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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