You can't special order awesome
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
