Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have post one night stand depression
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
