It's Friday. Sex?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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