Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This house was built for laser tag.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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