So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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