I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
