if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
