cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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