what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
