no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we're making bets on your personal life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
