i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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