so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
