he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
