I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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