I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
