Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
