Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
