marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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