whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
id be glad to
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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