you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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